Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe issue #1 Review (SPOILER ALERT)
November 8, 2013 11:28 am | Leave your thoughts
Let me paint you a picture. See the awkward, heavyset religious kid wandering around the library? He stops and stares at a rack of picture books. Beautiful illustrations cover the small paperback comic books with images of Superman and Spiderman. The small boy looks to his left then to his right. He reaches down and picks up Longshot#1 and begins leafing through the pages, staring intently at every panel on every page. That little nerd’s name was Dave, and now you are reading a firsthand account of the death of yet one more childhood warm fuzzy. Longshot has always been my favorite X-man of all time because he opened my eyes to the world of art and comics. Now, writer Christopher Hastings and artist Jacopo Camagni are pissing all over my numero uno caballero so bad that I am actually recommending you Toss It so far away that I will hopefully forget this book exists and that I ever read it.
You will also notice that I did not put the cover of the issue at the top of my review like I usually do. David Nakayama’s cover includes one of my biggest artistic nitpicks: Spiderman cannot make facial expressions with the eyes on his mask. It is a mask. The face beneath it can move all it wants but would you really have me believe that Spiderman carries different emoticon versions of his Spiderman mask?
The very first page of the book is text only with a selfie of Longshot in his classic pose that contains one of the goofiest typos that I have seen in recent memory. This first issue appears to be an introduction to people who are unfamiliar with the character, but I cannot understand why Editor Jordan White would waste a whole page with an outline of the facts that will be presented to us in the coming pages before they are actually presented.
As our story begins, Longshot is given a new haircut that adopts the same mutton chops as Wolverine. Because kids, if something reminds people of Wolverine, it must be a good thing. Longshot spends the rest of the issue explaining the facts presented on the introductory page of the comic book while maintaining a consistently D-bagish charisma. And the Cosmic Cube accidentally comes into his possession. I’m not exaggerating or joking. The Cosmic Cube ACCIDENTALLY comes into his possession, AND he activates it.
Marvel, let’s never talk about this, ever again.
Categorised in: Headlines
This post was written by David Griffin
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