Ahhhhhnold by Lauren Cates
September 23, 2013 4:15 am | Leave your thoughts
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Arnold Schwarzenegger…Avatar…Hmm.
Now I know what you’re going to say: the chick who hates everything hates this too, right?
Well…not really.
Despite all of the issues I have with time travel and how poorly it can be (and usually is) implemented –
…CAUSALITY, MOTHERFUCKERS…LOOK IT UP…
– I took no issues whatsoever with the first two Terminator movies. Because they were decently-made action movies when Arnold was huge, movie-star-wise. And I make no secret of the fact that I think James Cameron, for all the faults I may nitpick about Titanic –
…Oh joy, another sequence where one or the other of our main characters gets themselves into great peril…
-is, more often than not, a competent and well-composed filmmaker.
I will, until the day I die, wonder why fan boys praise Joss Weldon for directing a billion-dollar movie that was bolstered by hype and goodwill –
,,,something, something “born on third”, something, something “hit a triple”…
– but knock Cameron for creating a billion-dollar movie with maybe moderate hype, no proven or beloved characters or stories to tent pole his efforts, and, if any stories about the man are to be believed, no goodwill, either.
Cameron wins. Hands down. And I firmly believe he’s going to win again with his Avatar sequels. The guy is a smart and self-aware filmmaker that makes tight movies that entertain. He might not make original movies, but he never makes mediocre ones.
So, when news came out that he was possibly going to cast Schwarzenegger, I was hesitant at first. I’d seen Schwarz looking all haggard and, well old, in the Expendables movies, and while I did enjoy them –
…Jason Statham could read the compiled works of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings and he would still get my undying love for the Crank movies…
– I didn’t enjoy Arnold in them. He just wasn’t Ahhhhnold anymore. He looked used up and dried out. At least, not game for that kind of movie.
So then why would I think a move by Cameron to put him in the next Avatar movie be successful or interesting or even any good?
Because he doesn’t have to be that guy.
He might be older and more grizzled, but when he’s on, he could still have an imposing and scary presence. He doesn’t have to have a mag of clever lines ready to fire off. He could just be an old guy, sitting quietly in a chair, daring you to make a move. He could be Latter-Day Conan, a guy who survived with both brawn and brains, and amassed an army that will saw you in half for looking at him diagonal, sitting around waiting, knowing that some young punk is going to give him his comeuppance, but until that day hits, he’s still the motherfucker on the throne.
That’s the kind of charisma that made Arnold a movie star, and that’s the kind of presence that’s massive enough for a series like Avatar.
Fuck the haters, I say, I present my tongue for a taste-it.
Categorised in: Movie Reviews
This post was written by David Griffin
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