Days of Future Pissed: A Rant
July 10, 2013 10:57 am | Leave your thoughts
DAYS OF THE FUTURE PISSED: A RANT
That’s it! I’m going to start begging. I’m gonna tear off a hunk of cardboard box and grab me a huge, fat, stinky black sharpie and write the most simple, lean, mean message I can; like “We can’t take it anymore!” or “You tried. You FAILED!” or “For the love of god, make the pain stop!” I’m gonna give all my loved ones, not so loved ones, and even morons I can’t stand hugs, kisses, and overly warm double handed handshakes with good eye contact. I’m gonna grab my cardboard sign with both hands, and I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna find Bryan Singer and follow him around everywhere he goes.
I am currently subscribed to five X-titles, and I fucking loved X-men: First Class. Now Bryan Singer wants to pop back into the franchise and destroy another classic X-men story. How will I support my comic book addiction and my holy quest to stop this abomination? Who cares!? I’m gonna head west until my car runs out of gas. I will walk along the highway and stop for a good begging whenever it suits me. I’ll wave my sign at passersby until I score enough change to buy my daily burrito and pay for my Wednesday books. I will sleep under bridges, in parks, on beaches, who gives a chain-smoking monkey’s ass? I’ll sleep on your fucking lawn. This must be done.
If you have been following Singer’s incessant leaks of information about the movie, you have probably been reminded of the kid on the playground trying to constantly tell you how cool his new toy is. The problem is, when he brings the toy to show and tell, there is no possible way for it to live up to his own hype. Singer is just coming across as desperate. Nevermind that the pics we have gotten from the movie look horrible, we have an amazing cast that is going to be embarrassed to be connected to this disasterpiece. Cast members: I’m begging you too. Halle Berry, please refuse to film another scene until they let you shave your hair into a mohawk. Jennifer Lawrence, bring your bow and arrow skills to the set and start playing William Tell with all the extras. Anna Paquin, tell them that they have to add your vampire boyfriend to the cast of characters. Hugh Jackman, deliver all your lines from Wolverine in the form of song. We know you can do it. No action is too extreme. The end will justify the means. Most of all, I must appeal to you, Peter Dinklage, who has been cast as the villain of the piece: Bolivar Trask. Tyrion Lannister has been my favorite character in all of fantasy literature since I was eighteen years old. I cannot in proper words tell you how amazing your interpretation of Tyrion has been on the small screen. You are sharing a movie with cast mates named Bingbing Fan(Blink) and Booboo Stewart(Warpath). How do you possibly do a script read through across the table from Bingbing and Booboo? I don’t know what it will take. Can indiegogo.com do its first campaign to stop a movie from being made?
This is my humble prayer to any gods that may be listening out there. Please, help the heroic Matthew Vaughn overcome the villainous Bryan Singer. My fandom cannot abide another X-massacre.
by David Griffin
Tags: Bryan Singer, Days of Future Past, Peter Dinklage, X-Men
Categorised in: Random Reviews & News
This post was written by David Griffin
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